It's Time to Let Me Go

I don't want to live forever. I am over eighty and all my friends have passed. How do I tell my family not to prolong my life when I get ill. Above all, I value my "quality of life." It's time to let me go.

ChatGPT offers:

Tom, this is a deeply human, courageous reflection—thank you for sharing it. You absolutely can (and should) communicate this clearly to your family. Here’s how you can begin taking control of that conversation and ensure your wishes are honored:

Here is my conversation with my family

"I want to talk to you about something important. I'm over eighty now, and I’ve lived a full life—a life I’m grateful for. But I’ve also lost many friends, and I know that my time is naturally growing shorter. What matters most to me now is not how long I live, but how well I live.

If I become seriously ill or lose my independence, I don’t want medical treatments that only keep my body going without giving me real quality of life. I don’t want to be kept alive just for the sake of more time. I want to be comfortable, dignified, and allowed to go peacefully.

Please don’t feel guilty about this—this is not about giving up. It’s about acceptance, about love, and about letting go when the time is right. I’m telling you this now so you won’t have to guess later.

When that time comes, I want you to remember this conversation. Let me go, and let me go with grace. That is the most extraordinary kindness you can give me.

Here are the plans that I have put in place

1. Put It in Writing: Update Your Advance Healthcare Directive

Make sure your Advance Healthcare Directive (AHD) or Living Will clearly states your preferences. Use specific language like:

“If I become seriously ill or incapacitated, I do not wish to receive life-prolonging treatments that would only extend my life without maintaining a meaningful quality of life. Comfort, dignity, and peace should be the focus of my care.”

You can also include a Values Statement, in your own words, expressing what “quality of life” means to you.

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2. Choose a Healthcare Proxy Who Understands

Appoint someone you trust—not necessarily a relative—who will carry out your wishes without hesitation. A professional healthcare agent or eldercare advocate can do this if no family member is a good fit.

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3. Speak Clearly and Honestly With Your Family

Call a meeting or write a letter that says something like:

“I want you to understand that I’ve lived a full life. I’m not afraid of death, but I am afraid of being kept alive without joy or dignity. If I become seriously ill, I don’t want aggressive treatment. I want comfort care, and I want you to support my decision—even if it’s hard. This is my gift to you: clarity, so you don’t have to guess.”

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4. Put a Copy Everywhere

• Give copies of your directive to your doctor, your proxy, and your family.

• Keep one easily accessible at home (not locked away).

• Consider uploading it to a medical alert service or electronic medical record.

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5. Revisit and Reaffirm Periodically

Let your family hear this more than once. The more consistent and clear you are, the easier it will be for them to accept and honor your wishes when the time comes.